An employee approaches you, clearly distressed. They aren’t going to meet today’s project deadline because their child is ill, and caregiving has been tough on them. They might need an extra day. You want to show your support, so you say something like, “I feel you, and I’m so sorry to hear that.” But you’re not a parent and your employee knows that. How could you really understand how they feel? Although your intentions are good, there’s a chance you could come across as inauthentic and, possibly, even patronizing.
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What We Get Wrong About Empathic Leadership
There is a difference between sympathy and empathy.
October 17, 2023
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Summary.
Fifty-two percent of respondents to a survey said they found their company’s efforts to be empathetic towards employees are dishonest. This suggests that while managers and leaders are trying, many of them may be going about it wrong. For first-time managers, who are new to overseeing people, this situation can be extra tricky. Here’s what you can do:
- Actively listen and be curious: Show people that you are fully present by leaning in, keeping your arms uncrossed, and nodding along when appropriate. Listen with the intention of trying to understand by placing yourself inside their shoes — not the intention of formulating the quickest response. The key to empathy is trying to really hear the meaning of their words.
- Know that you don’t have to have all the answers. Employees aren’t always looking for solutions to personal or emotional challenges. Solving problems quickly and thoughtfully is likely what got you promoted into your current role. But when it comes to people, you need to take a different approach. Sometimes the best thing you can do as a manager is give the other person space to talk and feel heard.
- Avoid an autopilot response. Empathy is not “one-size-fits-all.” You can’t use the same cut-and-paste language for every member of your team. It’s best to take in all the information coming from the other person before formulating your response.
- Always make the time. If you have something going on, let them know that you will find the time to meet with them. Make sure not to cancel that meeting the next day — make the time for it. You have planted that seed of trust with your employee. Following through with the next step shows them what your genuine priorities are and will make or break the foundation of trust you’re trying to form.